


Who Gives Away This Groom?...And Who Gives Away That Other Groom?

by eafay70



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Girlfriends/No Wives, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-08-31 14:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8581504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eafay70/pseuds/eafay70
Summary: Götzeus is getting married! Obviously, their many Dortmund and National Team friends want to participate in the wedding. Erik is given the unenviable task of organizing them without driving the lovebirds to elopement.





	1. The Proposal That Started the Whole Mess

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> Because the world needs more fluff.
> 
> You may have noticed that only three characters and one pairing have been named so far. This is because I am open to suggestions, especially when it comes to pairings. (And because I figured it'd be funnier to keep things generic for a chapter.)

Mario looked around the living room in amazement. “Sunny, you sure know how to throw someone a birthday party.”  
“It’s easy when the birthday boy has the same friends as you,” laughed Marco. It was true – the many Dortmund and German NT players who had gathered in Mario’s honor were fond of both halves of Götzeus. “Plus, I had an ulterior motive.”  
“Oh?” Mario arched an eyebrow in interest as his boyfriend began to shout for everyone’s attention.  
“Guys! Quiet!” Marco managed to get the crowd to shut up and look his way. “I’d like to thank you all for coming. You’ll understand why I’m saying that instead of Mario in a moment.” He faced Mario and smiled. “You deserve to be happy more than anyone I know. And I want to be a part of that happiness for as long as I can.” He dropped to one knee and produced a small box from his pants pocket.  
“Pay up!” someone shouted before being promptly hushed by everyone else.  
“Mario Götze, will you marry me?”  
Mario’s jaw dropped. “Are you serious?”  
“Now YOU pay up!” shouted the first shouter’s boyfriend before being promptly hushed by everyone else.  
Mario nodded and whispered, “Yes.” He pocketed the ring box and carried Marco away to their bedroom.  
“Pay up, ALL of you!” demanded a triumphant Erik. “I knew they’d forget about the rest of us!”

The following morning, Marco and Mario woke up to the sight of their matching engagement rings (the jeweler had insisted on giving Marco a ring as well, being a huge Dortmund fan)…and the sound of squabbling.  
“How DARE you take a role in this wedding! YOU were responsible for keeping them apart for three years!”  
“Oh, really? Well, YOU refused to switch rooms so they could be together during friendlies! You have FORFEITED your right to participate in this occasion!”  
The fiancés shared a worried look. “We forgot to kick them out,” said Mario sadly.  
“It appears so.” Marco sighed. “Let’s get down there before they kill each other.”

As it turned out, Mario and Marco entered the living room not a moment too soon. At least two people were struggling to hold back their boyfriends, a bunch of people were shoving their phones in each other’s faces, another group was fighting over a tablet, and two others were arm-wrestling. In other words, the entire guest list from the previous evening was behaving very dramatically (not unusual) and somewhat violently (quite unusual, considering they were footballers and needed each other healthy to do well).  
“QUIET!” yelled the fiancés together. Their friends froze in place and stared.  
Marco took a deep breath and stonily demanded, “I would like one, AND ONLY ONE, of you to tell me what the HELL is going on.”  
“Well, after I collected my money and everyone else settled their bets,” explained Erik, “we thought it’d be fun to plan your wedding. But we can’t agree on who’s doing what. Too many people want to do the same parts, and nobody wants to do certain parts.”  
Marco and Mario facepalmed very loudly. “Let’s elope,” said Mario.  
“NO!”  
“Well, at least they agree on that,” noted Marco. “Erik, you’re our favorite third wheel. Get all this organized. If things go wrong, we’ll blame you and elope. Now come along, dearest fiancé. Starbucks coffee beckons.”


	2. The Power of Love (and Lists)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik knows that lists are very useful when organizing. He starts with a list of the couples.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter (and last chapter, if memory serves), I refer to Starbucks. I have no idea if self-respecting Germans would get coffee and pastries from Starbucks, or if they would insist on going to a local coffeehouse or something like that. I, however, am an American who loves Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts very, very much, so unless I'm told otherwise, the boys are going to Starbucks. (Footballers wouldn't get Dunkin Donuts for breakfast. The coaches would have their heads.)

Erik surveyed the room with an angry scowl. "I have to prepare to deal with you people. You are to clean up this place, and you are to do so quietly. To be specific, you are NOT to discuss football, politics, or the wedding. I'll be in my room, and I do NOT want to be disturbed unless it is very important." The others nervously nodded. Erik walked to his room.  
(Officially, Erik had his own apartment in a different neighborhood. However, he had spent so much time keeping Marco from doing anything harmful following Mario's move that various items started piling up. When Mario came home for good, he moved the piles into the guest room and made a sign for the door: "HERE LIVES ERIK DURM (SOMETIMES)." And thus began an often hilarious friendship between Mario and Erik, the perfect complement to the best friendship between Marco and Erik.)  
Erik closed the door and collapsed on the sofa. He grabbed a pen and notebook and labeled the notebook cover: "SUNNY & MARS GET MARRIED." On the first page, he wrote:

_A List of Couples Whom I Will Enlist in This Ridiculous Endeavor:_  
_1\. Aubinter_  
_2\. Passlisic (or whatever Felix & Christian call themselves)_  
_3\. Ju (Weigl) & Jo (Kimmich)_  


He paused. That last one didn't seem right - he and Marco had discussed teammate couples the other night, and he thought Marco had used a different term. He'd have to ask later.  
There was a knock on the door. "Erik? Coffee!"  
If that wasn't very important, Erik didn't know what was. He scrambled to his feet and opened the door, revealing Nuri and the Romans carrying lots of Starbucks beverages and pastries. Nuri nodded towards the middle of his tray and said, "Grande sugar-free hazelnut latte with extra foam." Erik took it gratefully before selecting a cheese Danish from Bürki.  
"You guys are actually sensible, thank you so much," marveled Erik. "How did you know what to get me?"  
"The barista recognized us and remembered what you usually get," explained Weidenfeller. "The room's cleaned up, by the way."  
"Good. I'll be there in a minute."

Sure enough, a minute later Erik returned to the scene of the (almost) crimes. Everyone was sitting quietly and eating. Erik cleared his throat and said, "Thank you for cleaning up. I will make this easiest for all of us by having couples work together. However, I must insist that you actually complete your assigned tasks. Failure to do so will result in me revoking your invitation to the wedding." Judging by the looks of terror on his friends' faces, his point had been made, and nobody doubted his ability to control the guest list.  
"Now then, I have a list of tasks that must be begun immediately." He read from the second page of his notebook:

 _Tasks That Must Be Begun Immediately:_  
_1\. Find a date that doesn't conflict with the Bundesliga, DFB-Pokal, Nationalmannschaft, or anything else of great importance - Aubinter_  
_2\. Find a discreet, easily accessible, and breathtaking location - Passlisic_  
_3\. Distract the media so we can pull this off without interference - Klueller and Jrs._  


Silence filled the room for a few seconds. Matze was first to speak. "I'll get my hands on schedules, then." He and Auba pulled out their phones.  
"Destination locations - yes or no?" asked Christian.  
"Yes, within reason," decided Erik.  
"OK." Felix pulled Christian aside. "Let's get thinking, Hershey kiss."  
Thomas sprung to his feet. "Ju, Jo, let's call your Tata."  
Erik realized his mistake and quickly spoke up. "Don't do everything here! I'll check in via WhatsApp. Please let the lovebirds have some alone time!"  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have various pairings set up (including some which you lovely people suggested, thank you!), but I'm always eager for feedback. :)


	3. Friends Are There When You Need Them; They're Even There When You Don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik tries his hardest to get things moving for the wedding. Results are mixed, if he's being generous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from the theme song of (the early seasons of) "Garfield and Friends." Doesn't it fit this crazy bunch so very well? :)

Erik couldn't decide if he loved or hated WhatsApp.  
On the one hand, he liked being able to reach anyone he needed without worrying about audio. (His friends were insatiable - if he tried calling them, he risked hearing bedroom noises.)  
On the other hand, trying to keep track of the most ridiculous bunch of people he knew via WhatsApp meant ridiculous messages at all hours. For instance:

**_Thomas Müller:_** Check out the pics Miro took of Wimmich! BILD will eat them up!  
**_Manuel Neuer:_** They're riding a horse. BILD won't bite.  
**_Erik Durm:_** Speaking of food-related verbs, have you and Fips made a menu yet?  
**_Manuel Neuer:_** He vetoed my customize-your-own-Nutella bar idea. It'd be much more fun than a make-your-own-sundae bar!

Erik groaned. Schweinski was in charge of dessert, not Leuer! (Marco called the captain and the goalkeeper "Nahm," but Erik didn't like using a past-tense verb for such a lovely couple.)

"Are you OK?" Nuri rested his hand over Erik's. "Want me to beat up anyone?"

Erik shook his head. "Thanks for the offer." He decided to think about how nice Nuri's hand felt later. "Manu wants Nutella."

"I thought he was put in charge of the menu to avoid that."

"Exactly." He groaned. "To be fair, Basti and Lukas have been in Chicago for awhile, so they haven't been in touch. What a mess."

"It'll work out." Nuri smiled (it was such a lovely smile) and squeezed Erik's hand.

Erik's phone buzzed. "Meyretzka found a photographer. At least something's going well."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe it or not, and sometimes I don't, I've only been uploading here for less than a month. So I'm not very good at remembering things like updating tags. Sorry for any confusion this may have caused!


	4. Smoking Hot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tuxedo shopping time turns into Marco and Mario grilling Erik on his new "relationship." (If the grooms knew enough to omit the quotation marks, they'd have less grilling to do.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is a pun: "Smoking" is the German word for "tuxedo." (I've heard the term "smoking jacket" in English, so maybe it's related?)

"We're going to be late, guys!"  
The guys in question ignored Erik. He decided to walk into the living room where they were pressed together.  
"Mario! Marco! Move it!"  
The only things they moved were their tongues in each other's mouths. It was time for the nuclear option.  
_Blau und weiß, wie lieb´ich dich, blau und weiß-_  
The Dortmund players stopped kissing and pounced on Erik, who quickly stopped the video on his phone.  
"Now that I have your attention, gentlemen, we need to leave so you can buy your tuxedos. NOW."  
They stood up and followed him out without complaining. If Erik was annoyed enough to play the Schalke hymn, it was smart to avoid annoying him even more.

Fortunately, Erik calmed down at the tuxedo store, probably because he wasn't the one having to get dressed and undressed countless times. It also helped that Nuri was texting him jokes, which made him smile despite not being terribly funny. Marco and Mario noticed these smiles and decided to confront Erik.  
"Who's the lucky guy, Erik?" asked Marco with a wicked gleam in his eye.  
"Huh?" Erik looked at Marco and flinched - that gleam meant trouble. "I'm not seeing anyone. You'd be the first to know."  
"Oh?" Mario arched an eyebrow - and that meant even more trouble. "But you haven't stopped smiling at your phone. And that can't be from planning our wedding, because you look like you want to strangle someone when you're planning our wedding."  
"Several someones deserve to be strangled," admitted Erik. "It's just Nuri's stupid jokes."  
"Nuri, eh?" Marco and Mario nodded slowly as they spoke.  
"Yes, Nuri." Erik tried to keep his voice calm. "He's been very friendly and a good stress reliever."  
"And just how does he do that?" asked Mario. "Do you need a tie for the doorknob?"  
"Of course not! He's just a friend!"  
"If you say so," said Marco, glaring at Mario to keep quiet. "Let's pay and move along."  
And that was the most troubling of all: Marco didn't continue Mario's line of questioning. Something was up.

"What's up?" asked Erik as soon as they returned to Marco and Mario's home with their purchases.  
"Sunny needs to call his father," said Marco. "They need to schedule a family reunion."  
"We do?" Mario looked surprised.  
"You do," replied Marco firmly.  
"We do!" Mario ran to a different room.  
Erik sighed. "I'm about to be questioned about Nuri, right?"  
"Right." Marco sat on the couch and patted the spot next to him. "Sometimes it's easier to talk about early relationships with one friend instead of two."  
"But it isn't a relationship!" Erik groaned as he sat down. "I don't even want a relationship!"  
Marco snorted. "Erik, we're best friends. You practically lived with me for two years when our favorite activity was lamenting our miserable love lives. You've always wanted a relationship - maybe not as a first priority, of course, but you have always wanted to be loved."  
"You're right, Mars." Erik sighed. "Nuri's just really nice. I guess he saw I couldn't lean on you when planning your wedding, so he stepped in. And he's been a really, really good friend. But I don't know if it's just that."  
"Is he cute?" Erik nodded. "I thought he might be your type. On behalf of my other half, is he hot?" Erik nodded again, this time blushing. "Mario was wrong, then. Oh, well, that's the difference between a close friend and a best friend, right? Right!"  
"Um, Marco? Focus, please?"  
"Oh. Sorry." Marco flung an arm around Erik. "In conclusion, if you want more, go get more, but don't feel obligated."  
"Thanks." Erik initiated their secret handshake. He didn't plan on pursuing a relationship with Nuri - or anyone else - until this crazy wedding planning was done. As if on cue with that thought, his phone buzzed. "Caterer booked...but desserts still being argued about."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone was wondering: I don't know how many chapters are left, but my goal is to finish this story no later than Dec. 20.

**Author's Note:**

> Suggestions, please! :D


End file.
